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| "The Story" *Click on the links to see story photos* I awoke one morning to a disturbing phone call that my friend Bob had suddenly come up missing. It came abruptly on the afternoon news that our friend Bob had not shown up to his work at the auto mechanic shop named Mullets and Bolts. Not so normal for a guy that has never missed a day of work in 25 years, except for when he beat a guy down for stealing his dip and chaw and spent a night in jail for it. Smokey and I decided to cruise over to his trailer to find nothing but a full pack of dip and chaw, and we knew something was wrong. Bob never left his dip and chaw anywhere besides his back pocket. So on a tip that he may have been abducted by aliens, Smokey Dope and I decided to head to his cabin, where we had overheard of many UFO sightings. On the way to his cabin, Smokey and I decided to stop by and pick up Mary Jane, she always added great insight into whatever we were doing. She would teach us from time to time how to use parts of our minds to see things, perhaps missed by most others. We had great hopes that she would help us in our search for the UFO that abducted Bob. How I missed that free help Bob always offered when my truck would break down. Never would you here good ole Bob say "Bob's to busy", "Bob don't like workin for free", or "Pay Bob, or Bobs a bitch slappin". He just always up and fixed my truck good, at the most liking a simple pouch of dip and chaw for his troubles. So we arrived to Smokey's cabin, and then unpacked while I grew more disturbed at his disappearance.We then hopped in my truck and drove the kayaks up to the drop off point, coat hangered the door locked, and crawled out the back slider window of the cab. We knew where to look first, which was by this giant sand hill, where many trees were down, and its form took that of something rather large, that may have landed there years ago. Perhaps a calling point to the aliens that may have abducted him. So we hopped in the kayaks and headed down river. Mary Jane was a little too much for one person to carry on their kayak alone, so we passed her back and fourth to ensure we both had ample rests. We soon came to the giant hill, and climbed to the top with Mary Jane. We stood, and peered out, hoping our energy could be felt. At certain moments, Smokey almost seemed to become enlightened as he looked towards the sky. We then had Mary Jane help us out by using our minds in the altered state she had taught us before. My mind soon wandered into the depths of its darkness, and soon told me "Potsie, if you hump it, they will come." I then saw the first thing I could hump in hopes this would be the calling card needed. A sign perhaps, that Mary Jane had given to me to accomplish. So I started humping this tree stump in hopes my unusual displays of love for the earth would call to the attention of whatever may have abducted Bob. I even threw in a raise of an arm, to show some beauty and grace at my tree sexing abilities. Even with our attempts, we got nothing in return. We soon climbed back down the sand hill, and kayaked back to Smokey's cabin. Once we arrived low and behold, there was Bob on the back deck, in a reclining chair, picking the oil out from under his fingernails with a broken toothpick, and sipping back on a piss warm 12 ounce glass of Jim Beam. He didn't say a word as we passed Mary Jane to him, she had not seen Bob in quite awhile. Smokey and I soon pulled up a couple chairs, and decided not to question Bob's whereabouts. His lack of communications verbally told us he had been through something traumatic. To this day the whole event seems like something of an Enigma. Even today we now keep our grandfathers hand me down shot guns full of rock salt, and a couple potato guns near the front door, just in case those cosmic bastards wish to put their lasers up against our blunt objects propelled by gun powder, and fueled by the mighty gas in self dispensing cans of whipped cream. |
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